You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
