Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
