i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
