Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
