I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
