i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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