I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's always time for handjobs
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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