hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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