weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
