My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
