My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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