He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
