He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
