dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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