but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
