So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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