You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
