Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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