He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
