I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
