You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
