Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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