Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
