pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
