you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
