At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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