just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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