there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
