I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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