she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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