just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
