You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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