Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
