it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
