I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
