From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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