Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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