I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
