Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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