enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
