Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
