Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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