Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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