She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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