All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
