Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
