I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
