That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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