My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
