Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
